Messing with my mind

Hello, Its me! the one who owns this blog and who never seems to blog any-more. I’ll still here just been procrastinating (I’m only on here to get away from the mound of housework and to check that my blog isn’t  in fact a figment of my imagination its been so long)

I’m sitting here as I do every Friday morning eating my toast and having a coffee, nervously waiting on my therapy session to start.

I’ve only been going to Mrs T for a few weeks and I realise I may have more problems than I originally thought or may I should put it…. my problems are deeper than I thought. Makes me should less of a mental case :-) she picks up on things about me that I don’t realise I do, I would go as far as to say that she knows me better than I know myself.

Last week when I visited her she asked the usual “how are you today” so I proceed to tell her about my really bad anxiety/panic attack due to what she has told me is generalised anxiety/panic disorder. Anyway she seemed almost excited when I was telling her about it. She’d just been to a training course and wanted to try out what she learned on me (guinea pig comes to mind here) She didn’t fully explain what exactly it entailed just that it would help to get my nervous system balanced and therefore lower the serverity of attacks when they happen.  At this stage I am quite excited myself, anything that makes my attacks better i am willing to try.

We begin…. I am asked to look straight ahead to see if anything in my peripheral view stands out I spy a picture on the wall its the only thing that my eyes are attracted to. So we begin talking about it and how it makes me feel and within 10 minutes I feel like my bum and back where super-glued to the chair and everything in the room was a complete blur. The weirdest bit has to be when my body started moving my itself to the right you can picture me half of my body hanging over the side on the sofa lol. No actually scrap that… The weirdness thing of all is when the room came back into focus and I could only see 3/4 of the room there was a block on my right side!?! And then she kicked me out as our time was up! (A usual occurrence when we are just getting somewhere) anyway I left feeling not entirely in this planet but feeling like I didn’t have a care in the world, a fantastic feeling which lasted all day but…….

I went to bed as usual and had the most horrendous nightmares, they were terrifying and upsetting enough to wake me twice. In all my 32 years on the planet I have never had bad dreams like it.

Apparently this was something to do with Mrs T’s messing with my mind and brining things that are buried to the surface. I think I’d like them to stay buried and I don’t think I’ll let her do it to me again.


Lisa x

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