Generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) is an anxiety disorder that is characterized by excessive, uncontrollable and often irrational worry, that is, apprehensive expectation about events or activities. This excessive worry often interferes with daily functioning, as individuals with GAD typically anticipate disaster, and are overly concerned about everyday matters such as health issues, money, death, family problems, friendship problems, interpersonal relationship problems, or work difficulties. Individuals often exhibit a variety of physical symptoms, including fatigue, fidgeting, headaches, nausea,numbness in hands and feet, muscle tension, muscle aches, difficulty swallowing, bouts of breathing difficulty, difficulty concentrating, trembling, twitching, irritability, agitation, sweating, restlessness, insomnia, hot flashes, rashes, and inability to fully control the anxiety. These symptoms must be consistent and ongoing, persisting at least six months, for a formal diagnosis of GAD to be introduced.
It rears its ugly head most days it doesn’t care what I am doing, it comes consuming me with the irrational thoughts, the horrible feeling in my stomach that rises up to my chest suffocating me, debilitating me. I try to escape it, distracting myself with other things but it always seems to catch up on me. I really hate being in my own head sometimes, I know my thoughts are irrational but in the midst of panic they feel very real to me. I seem to be in a constant battle with myself all I want to do is get rid of the thoughts, the panic and try to live a normal (what’s that?)life.
I have days when I feel an impending doom hanging over me with no reason behind it. I have had to remove myself from Shops, the park, the cinema etc because I feel like I am going to pass out. This also occurs in the car while driving.
I have been seeing my GP for the last year but all he seems to do is throw meds at me. I have tried 3 different types now, including Valium. One made my anxiety much worse, one sedated me so much that I was unable to function which lets face it is not good when you’re a mother. They all made me feel like I was in a bubble detached from reality, (although my GAD makes me feel like this sometimes it’s not as bad as being in a medicated coma induced by chemicals) They turned me down for CBT (which i actually think may help a little) because I wasnt “bad enough” I would love for the decision makers to be in my head for a day!
When I’m in my panic bubble I can’t deal with anyone or anything, If I’m truly honest I am a complete bitch when I’m feeling anxious. It has done a little damage to my relationship with DH he doesn’t know what to do to help me anymore, I don’t even know how to “fix” me so I dont expect him to know what to do. I am thankful that he is here to support me, If I didn’t have him I think things would be worse.
I feel tiny and vulnerable and overwhelmed especially when there is lots going on around me.
From the time I wake up in the morning I began to worry constantly about every small detail of life.
The “comedown” (that doesn’t seem an appropriate word but can’t think of a better one) which follows an attack is almost as bad as the attack itself. A dreadful fusion of depression, exhaustion, despair, self-pity.
I have a constant feeling of unease. Like a haze at the back of your head.
Sometimes I am good for a couple of days, I’ll talk more, I’ll laugh more, sleep normally, eat normally, but then something happens like a switch turns off somewhere and I am back in the depths of GAD.
I am thankful for the up days because they make the bad days a bit more bearable, they reassure me that it wont last forever.